Asking someone on a date in the Netherlands — Anita & Henk

Published May 16, 2026·Updated May 26, 2026

Transcript

Read along, Dutch & English, side by side

Did you know? Well, it's true, about 60% of people chat too long and then never ask for a date.

You think, just one more nice message, then it'll go away. Quite a shame, isn’t it?

Yes, and the biggest problem is often that people are too vague.

They say: we should meet up, but without a date or place. Then nothing happens.

Today, we'll do that differently. We'll give simple phrases to ask and also what you shouldn't do.

And, uh, we also have a few funny but also painful stories.

Hi everyone, great to have you listening. I’m Anita and I have coffee, so I’m ready to go.

We’re going to talk about asking someone out on a date, very normal yet exciting.

And I’m Henk. Glad to have you here. Let’s be honest, it’s exciting. But it doesn't have to be difficult.

Exactly. Shall we start with the simplest way? Just one question with time and place. Because yes, clarity really helps.

My favorite line is: how about coffee this weekend?

I can do Saturday afternoon. Short, friendly, and an immediate proposal; if that doesn’t work, the other person can easily suggest another time.

Yes, exactly. And when you see someone in real life, just say: I like talking to you.

Do you want to grab a drink? Like Thursday evening. Simple and honest, no fuss.

And on a dating app? I usually say after a few messages: this is fun. Want to chat or have a date somewhere quiet?

That way, you keep the step small. No lovey-dovey stuff, just move forward, right?

Yes, move forward, haha. But Henk, many people hesitate. They think: am I being too direct? Or should I ask more questions first?

Direct is fine, as long as you’re friendly. You can also say: I enjoy this conversation. Shall we see if there's chemistry in real life too? Soft enough, but clear.

Good. Now, here’s something I often hear: are dating apps still worth it? Someone told me recently: I swipe for weeks, but no real dates. Is it time to stop?

Well, I get it. Apps do work, but not for everyone and not always quickly. I think: use apps and the real world. Talk at the gym, in the supermarket, at a birthday party, just everywhere you are.

Yes, and make your profile clear. A clear photo and in your bio something that triggers people. I read a fun tip: put a little question in your bio, like: what wakes you up at night, pancakes or pizza? That makes chatting easy.

Haha, I wake up for fries, but hey, that kind of question is clever, because it's playful and you learn something right away. So yes, keep the bio short, clear, and with a little hook, so to speak.

Okay, back to asking itself. What do you say if you’re afraid of a no? Because that happens sometimes and it doesn't feel great.

I say then: no stress. You don’t have to say yes. This gives space. And if someone says no, you respond: thanks for your honesty. Have a great day.

Done. You keep your dignity and let it go.

Nice. And yes, we also need to talk about standards or wishes. On Reddit, right? There was a lot of discussion.

Some people say: I don't want a partner with kids or I want someone with a specific body type. Is that okay?

Well, everyone has wishes. That's not strange. But I think: be respectful and clear. Don’t say: you’re wrong. Just say what you're looking for, without belittling anyone. And listen too, because the other person has wishes as well.

Exactly. And if someone has kids, that's a big part of their life. Your question on the app might also be different. You can ask: how do you see dating alongside your kids? Calm, open, not too harsh.

Yes, because sometimes it goes wrong due to assumptions. I read a story. Someone matched with a woman, and she almost immediately asked if he was ready to be a stepdad within a year. That’s pretty intense after three messages.

Oof, right? I get her point, because kids are important. But maybe you could build that up more calmly. First coffee, then talk. Ask: how do you seek stability? And later: how do you see a role with my kids? Step by step.

I completely agree. Oh, here’s another mistake I read about. Someone went on a date, and the woman thought he was a different guy from the app. She started talking about hiking in the mountains and his dog. But he doesn’t even have a dog. Super awkward.

Haha, how embarrassing. You can easily prevent that. Before the date, send a message: I’ll be at Café De Zon at three, wearing a blue jacket, and my name is Tom. Just to check. And when you see each other, ask for the name with a smile. Small thing, huge difference.

Yes, and also check if you mean the same place. Sometimes there are two cafés with the same name in the city. So say that café next to the bakery on the corner. Then it's clear.

Shall we do some example phrases? Just things you can copy like that. I'll start: I enjoy talking to you. Want to grab coffee this week? Like Wednesday after work?

Nice, my version: I'm free on Saturday. Shall we take a walk in the park and have tea afterward? Calm and you're outside. Or this is fun: shall we meet this coming Sunday afternoon?

When you talk to someone on the street or at work, be polite and brief. You can say: I hope this is okay, but I’ll just ask: would you like to grab a drink with me sometime? If it doesn’t work, that’s fine too. This way you show respect.

Let’s also talk about where to go. First the date. Do something simple and short, like coffee or a walk. Then you can easily stop after an hour or longer if it’s fun. Safe and relaxed.

Speaking of safety: agree to meet in a busy place, tell a friend where you are, and use your own transportation. That brings peace of mind. And yes, bring a charged phone. Small things, but they help.

Another tip: confirm the date the day before. Send a message like: hey, I'm looking forward to it. Still three o'clock at the sun. This prevents misunderstandings and feels thoughtful too.

Good point. And about culture, I want to mention that too. Sometimes you date someone with a different background. Don't immediately ask: we do it this way.

Instead, say: how do you view dating? What do you expect? Asking is better than assuming.

Yes, really. I dated someone from a different culture and we just met up. We honestly say what we enjoy.

For example: how soon do you want to see each other again after a first date? This way you avoid fuss and silent stress.

Because if you get a yes, but you don’t feel a click after the first date, you say: thank you for the nice time, but I don’t feel a romantic connection.

I wish you the best, friendly and clear. No ghosting, please.

And if there is a click, well, you can say that too. You can text: I really enjoyed it. Would you like to meet again next week? Like Thursday evening? Keep it light and concrete.

Back to the apps, very briefly. If you’re getting few matches, check three things. Your photo is clear and smiling, your bio has one fun question, and your first message is personal.

Say something about a photo or a hobby, not just: hey?

Yes, and don’t make it too long. One or two sentences are enough. For example: I see you enjoy cooking. What’s your best pasta sauce? And hey, would you like to grab coffee to talk about it? This way it feels natural.

What do you say when someone says: I don’t know yet, maybe later? I’d respond: totally fine. I leave it up to you. That way, you give space and don’t push. If they want to, they’ll send a message.

Just a quick thing. Think of asking as a compliment, not a test. You offer time and attention. If it doesn’t fit, it’s not about you as a person. It’s just not a match. That’s okay.

Shall we summarize our three quickest tips?

1. Be clear about the date and place. 2. Confirm beforehand, with name and recognition, like blue jacket. 3. Be friendly and let it go.

And one more bonus: haha, share your wishes, but stay respectful. Say what you’re looking for and listen to what the other person wants. That way, it feels fair and mature, even on apps and such. And that’s all I’ll say.

Okay, nice wrap-up. If you enjoyed this, don’t forget to like and subscribe, so you don’t miss any new episodes. And share your own dating story in the comments or send a quick email if you have any questions.

Yes, definitely do that. We really enjoy and learn from your stories. Thank you for listening, and good luck with your question this week. Just go for it, kind and clear.

Exactly. You can do it, you know. Until next time.